About Me

The Questions:
1. What is your first name? HOLLY
2. What is your favorite food? GRILLED CHEESE
3. What is your favorite color? BLUE
4. Favorite drink? MILK
5. Dream vacation? ITALY
6. Favorite hobby? READING
7. What you want to be when you grow up? MUSEUM
8. What do you love most in life? A BOY
9. One word to describe you? HOT

Terms

Despondent
–adjective
1. feeling or showing profound hopelessness, dejection, discouragement, or gloom

2. my current attitude toward academia

TV Night

"So I'll call your cellular phone
to tell you TV night was
lonely without you
and so am I...
so am I."

from Dashboard Confessional's "Shirts and Gloves"

Monday is my TV night. John always calls me after Heroes so that we can talk about it. Last night he said that it would be fun if we watched Heroes together (over the phone). He is incredibly adorable.

This is also one of my favorite Dashboard songs and I was tempted to just quote the whole thing. I have the feeling more parts will come.

Update-- Part is already up! High Points...

Felix Gonzalez-Torres, Untitled (Loverboy)

Another fantastic work by my favorite artist. This is truly beautiful in the way that the light illuminates the windows and their curtains. And in the way that the wind plays throughout the space. It evokes the feeling of a lover softly caressing your body.

Love is in the Air

I don't know if it's the fact that spring is coming or if it's just me, but all I can think of is love. I can't stop thinking about him and how much he means to me. I think the boy is really in love with me and that makes me happier than I can express. And all I want to do is be in his arms. It feels so good there.

Update-- In every post about how much I like him I say that I want to be in his arms. I really like being held by him and I don't care how cliche it sounds. It just makes me feel loved.

Barbara Kruger, Untitled

I love this. I think this is a very powerful statement about the restraints placed upon women. It is also a very knowledgeable commentary on the patriarchal history of art.

Friends First

"I just think if we keep our hearts together
Just think if we build on this trust that we have for one another
Baby we can make this last a lifetime"

from Ray Lamontagne's "Forever My Friend"

We were friends first. Best friends. It's amazing to me how much our love has grown over these years and how our relationship has transformed. I think it is really beautiful.

Restraint

I am totally in love and I think I'm through keeping my sentiments to myself. This weekend he told me that he loved me without any prompting and that's kind of huge. Also, it's apparently my cue to be completely mushy and open about my feelings for him. Perhaps it will be an experiment gone bad, but I'm up for it.

Interpretation

This is my sub-par interpretation of Man Ray's photograph...

But don't be confused, I'm still proud of this.

Man Ray

This is brilliant. At first glance it appears abstract and you can't quite make sense of it. Then, you begin to understand that it is a part of a woman's body. It is one of the most beautiful photographs, in my opinion, because of its simplicity and striking quality. However, it is also quite misogynist since the woman is given no agency or identity. She is exposing one of the most vunerable and sensual parts of the body. I still love the aesthetics of it.

Christo and Jean-Claude, Wrapped Pont Neuf

This is spectacular. Christo and Jean-Claude create these installations that are ephemeral and only stay up for a short period of time. In this one, they wrapped the Pont Neuf in France with champagne colored fabric. Somehow, they manage to assemble these installations without damaging the existing architecture or natural surroundings. Their works have an incredible play with light that makes the appearance of the fabric change with different times of the day and they are truly beautiful. I will definitely put up other works by them because it moves me. Until then, check out the transformative powers of Christo and Jean-Claude.

Amherst

Spring Break in Amherst, MA. not the ideal vacation spot but I have spent my last two spring breaks here. And the reason for that is of course the boy. He's a doll. I'm have a pretty great time. Being with him makes my heart smile. Going to Boston for the weekend, so looking forward to that also...

Slacker

Not doing work... Today is a problem.

Favorites

John is my favorite person. He makes me eternally happy. I think he knows me better than anyone and yet he still likes me. I think he is fantastic. We can talk for hours, but we can also sit in silence and be completely comfortable. I can think of no better place to be than in his arms. I have a major crush.

Andy Goldsworthy

This is strikingly beautiful. Andy Goldsworthy works completely with nature and does not use any man-made materials when creating his works. That means this form will only last for a short time before the leaves begin to drift away and float down the river. Ephemerality is beautiful.

Note to Self

Live in the Present!

Duality

“Love is very peculiar because it gives a reason to live, but it’s also a great reason to be afraid, to be extremely afraid, to be terrified of losing that love." --Felix Gonzalez-Torres

Update-- I think Felix and I could have been best friends.

Basket Case

I sent an email last night to say sorry. I thought it was generally nice but I didn't get a response. :( Did he not get it or did I do something wrong?

Update-- I'm pretty sure he got it and chose not to respond. I think he doesn't like it when things get too heavy. Today he said "I hope you are feeling better" and " I miss you." Forgiven.

Stability

I'm feeling terribly uncertain about my relationship lately. I'm just really scared of losing him. He's assured me before that I won't lose him but when I think about our future, I can't fathom a way that we could end up together. He's tentatively making plans for next year and he told me that he can't make life decisions based on the fact that things are going well for us right now. The fact is that I'm not sure that I can either. I know that I want to because I want to be with him more than anything but I'm not sure that I'm willing to give up on my dreams to be with him. So, where does that leave us? I guess I just wish that I could have some stability, some way of knowing that we won't end without notice.

And the fact of the matter is that he has been so great lately. He's been really sweet and thoughtful and even a little romantic and yet for some reason I can't just enjoy it like a normal person. It just makes me more afraid of losing something so great. I wish that I could enjoy what we have together without worrying about where we are going, but it is so hard for me. Next post will be about how much I like him; I swear.