Louise Bourgeois, Arch of Hysteria

Louise Bourgeois is a very prolific female artist who started working in the late 1940s and is still alive today at the age of 98. She is quite fantastic and her work is extremely personal. Most of her art is about pain, physical and mental, that springs from her difficult childhood. This work is definitely a part of that, but at the same time it is uncannily beautiful. The form of the pieces is just incredibly striking. And the choice to create the piece in gold is magnificent. It has a feeling of opulence but at the same time is quite terrifying. I think her work is a great example of attraction/repulsion. I think there is just something about the form of the human body transformed into a circle that draws me in. There is something really wonderful about the purity of geometric form. Very Greenbergian of me.

On a related note, I think I might be a formalist. Still a feminist at heart, but I'm realizing my latest works have a real emphasis on form. Even some of my latest post as well.

Anticipation

John is coming in tomorrow and I'm just thrilled. I've been pining; it's ridiculous. It's just been such a long time and I miss him lots.

Sick Day

I absolutely hate being sick. I think it's the worst. It's just incredibly boring to be stuck in bed for days at a time with nothing to do but feel sorry for yourself. And let me tell you, the past few days I've gotten really good at feeling sorry for myself.

On a brighter note, I got an A on my Jackie Winsor paper and I'm really psyched. This is the first semester that I've actually gotten an A on a graduate school paper. That means things are finally looking up, I think. Anyway, now I'm certain that I'm going to work on her for my thesis. Unfortunately, Sascha says that I have to choose between the environmental angle and the feminist angle, which makes me squirm because I'm not sure I can pick one. I think I know that the environmental angle is more original and makes more sense but the I really don't want to drop the feminism because it really is who I am as an art historian, or who I want to be. One article she gave me combines the two in a successful way so I'm going to read it and see if I can somehow do the same. I'll let you know how it works out.

I'm going to spend the day editing the paper so I can use it as a writing sample for internship applications. I also have a cover letter to write so let's hope that somehow gets done as well.

Baby, it's cold outside!

This is my favorite Christmas song. In fact, I listen to it year round. The only thing Christmas-y about it is the fact that it talks about snow. But I love the story. It's great how he looks for any excuse to keep the girl around. Maybe it's just about sex, but I think the sentiment is really sweet. I just want someone that will make excuses to be with me.

Ben Lerman (He Plays the Ukelele)

Going to see Ben Lerman tonight in NOLA. So excited, I can't even tell you. I've never enjoyed musical comedy much before, but this guy is quite brilliant. Will report tomorrow on how the show goes.

Update -- Show was incredible. Really funny shit. Ben Lerman was on his game and had a killer set. I totally geeked out on him after the show and am a bit embarrassed about that now. I think the exact line was: "You're my favorite guest. Everybody probably says that, but I really mean it." Yeah. I was a little star-struck.

Judy Chicago, Dinner Party

Detail: Emily Dickinson place setting

This is a seminal work for the Women's Movement. Even though the ideas that this work embodies are problematic today, I think the piece is really meaningful and beautiful. Visiting the work at the Brooklyn Museum was like going on a pilgrimage and the experience was really spiritual for me. Chicago's goal was to make a work that included women where they were originally excluded. Men had the last supper, but women have dinner parties. The work is essentializing as it boils women down to the one thing that we all have in common, the vagina. She believed that the imagery containing a central core was something that existed with female art for centuries as well as something that modern women could relate to. The Dinner Party represents 39 significant women from history that contributed to the improvement of women's status within each time period. As we move through time, the plates get more and more three dimensional. My favorite place setting is Emily Dickinson's. I love the frilly lace that she uses on the plate.

I really could go on forever, but for this post I really wanted to just outline the merits of the piece, and not its faults.

Virtual Tour

Worst Week

Had a bad week consisting of numerous things that I don't want to share with the blogosphere. (Shocking, I know.) Now I'm just working to get home. Luckily the semester is almost over and by Monday I will be officially done. Really, it can't get here soon enough. I have never been this excited to get to LA in my life.

Paper Writing Wrap-Up

Paper writing marathon/Competition with Jess.

We make arbitrary deadlines and see who has more work done at those points.

So far we are each up $1. But tonight is the final round and the loser has to buy insomnia cookies.

Right now I'm at 2 pgs. for Egypt and 10 pgs. for American. Unfortunately, I have a few more things to add to the American...

And Egypt has way too many footnotes. Debating if I care/how this will affect my grade...

Thankful

Champagne tasting: great idea in theory.

Had way too much fun at Thanksgiving lunch this year. Was out by 7:30.

This year I'm thankful for my friends. Also thankful that I still have one more semester before I have to enter the real world. (At least grad school is good for something.)

Frederick Leighton, Flaming June

I love this painting. It is strikingly beautiful. The orange is so vibrant and lovely it really seduces you. Or me at least. It is part of the aesthetics movement in which artists were interested in creating art for art's sake (although the term came later). During this time the artists were interested in creating works that really demonstrated the play with the medium of paint. I love that they were interested in the craft itself and really making works that speak to this. Unfortunately, the works are also somewhat misogynist in that they most often show beautiful women that are lazy, sleeping, and passive. The stereotypical female during the 19th century.

More Whining

I hate not knowing what people are feeling. I don't understand why you just can't tell me outright. I know I'm the freak for telling everyone my feelings all of the time, but doesn't that make it easier for you? If you know, you don't have to wonder.

I hate fighting with the people I love. It seems like such a waste of time. I just want things to run smoothly and to resolve problems when they arise so I can sleep at night.

Gloomy

I'm missing John terribly. I knew it would be hard to go from having him here with me to being across the country from him but I didn't think that I would think about it as often as I do. Saying goodbye to him on the phone brings me to tears. I'm just feeling pathetic and horribly codependent. And after all of that I'm just so sad that he left. I wish that he had tried harder to find work in Syracuse. I don't understand why he didn't want to stay here with me.

Frantisek Kupka, Mme. Kupka Among Verticals

I saw this work yesterday at the MoMA and was really moved. I find it to be incredibly beautiful. The way that the face emerges from this forest of color and line is quite captivating. I love the abstract expressionist quality of the all-over painting, but with the really personal inclusion of the portrait hidden within the brush strokes.

Owl City, Fireflies

In love with this song right now. The video is also phenomenal.

Dorothea Tanning, Ignoti Nulla Cupido

Dorothea Tanning was associated with the surrealists through her husband, artist Max Ernst. This is one of her later, more abstract works which I find really captivating. It is a totally different style from her Surrealist paintings. There's something really wonderful about the color and movement in this work. I think the whole work has a very calming effect and it feels warm and comforting.

Update -- Just looked up a translation of the title. Quite lovely:

There is no desire for that which is unknown; our wants are increased by knowledge.

Vivid Dreams

This morning I woke up crying uncontrollably because of a dream that I had. I dreamed that my friend Matt had somehow come back from the dead and we were talking and it was as if nothing had ever happened. But I knew that he had died and so I hugged him and I wouldn't let go. I started to cry in the dream, and Matt was confused because he didn't know that he had died and come back. This is when I woke up with tears streaming down my eyes.

It's strange how these things sneak up on you when you don't expect them. I think it's unfair that it comes in my dreams when I can't control it.

On a lighter note, I have been having tons of school anxiety dreams as of late. Not sure if I'm anxious about school or if it's a manifestation of something else going on in my life. I need a dream interpreter.

Peter Paul Rubens, Leda and the Swan

This is one of my all time favorite paintings. I got to see it in Dresden, Germany and it was really fantastic in person. Nobody paints skin like Rubens. He really knows how to paint the sensuous quality of female flesh that makes his figures come alive. This is based on the lost painting by Michelangelo who was a master at creating great compositions involving the twisting human form. I think this painting demonstrates the beauty and sensual quality of the female figure in a manner that is less passive than the norm of the period.

Happy Halloween

Having a Halloween party this weekend complete with Halloween shaped jello shots and mini pigs in a blanket. I am super excited. This is all part of my goal to be more social. Also, the room mate and I don't want to leave the house but instead have the party come to us. We are, however, going to two parties Friday night, so I think I'm doing a really good job of being social.

Speaking of the room mate, bonding time is going quite well and things are going swimmingly. Definitely feeling good about the move and much less nervous about messing things up.

Still missing John but we have been talking a lot and he seems to be succeeding now that he's gone from Syracuse. Not sure if I should feel good about this or bad (since he couldn't get his shit together when he was here with me), but I'm just really proud of him since he's actually making money as a freelance writer.

Glee!

Glee is my new obsession. I cannot miss an episode. And now that

they are on hiatus until November, I'm not sure what I'm going to do for

entertainment. The music is amazing and these kids are just so

talented. I'm also in love with Mr. Shue.

This is a cover of Queen's "Somebody to Love." Another great song

choice and Lea Michelle really shines.

Rene Magritte, The Lovers

This is my favorite work by Magritte. As a surrealist painter, he creates images that are born from the subconscious or a dream world. His works tend to be ambiguous in their intended meaning. I argue that this work is about the loss of identity when one is in love. The identity of these figures is hidden by the sheets that cover their faces as they embrace and kiss. When one falls in love he/she becomes consumed by it and loses his/her autonomy in the process. Love was very important to the Surrealists who felt that desire was an avenue into revealing the subconscious.

So Far From Me

I realize that Brett Dennen is the only musician that I've posted on this blog, but there is something about his music that really inspires me to post it. He really captures my feelings at certain points in my life. I

think the meaning of this one is obvious so I'll leave it at that.

Lynda Benglis, For Carl Andre

Another Postminimalist work from the 1970. Benglis created this piece using foam which becomes known as her signature material. I think there is something really powerful and compelling about this piece in the way that it looks organic and bodily. I'm not sure if the title is serious or ironic since she mentions the well known Minimalist sculptor Carl Andre. Benglis was also very active in the women's movement and promoting feminism through her politically charged works.

Moving On Up

That's right; I'm moving out of my current place and into a new apartment closer to campus with Jessi. I'm excited/nervous. It's been a while since I've lived with someone so I'm nervous about getting along/not getting along. But I am excited about living with Jessi, who is cool and fun. Currently working on packing up my apartment which is a bitch.

Jackie Winsor, Bound Grid

This is the new artist that I'm working on for my Postminimalism class. Her body of work as a whole has a variety of different kinds of sculpture, but her bound objects are the ones that I'm most drawn to. Her works, like most Postminimalist works, use unconventional materials and transform the values of Minimalism to create works that are more expressive. This work has a great sense of potential energy from the use of sticks, which were once alive, and the areas of bound twine that represent the artist's obsessive labor. Her works also make apparent the artist's hand which contradicts the cool and detached works of the Minimalist. The scale of the pieces is huge at about 7x7 ft in order to relate to human beings.

I'm trying to play up the environmental movement in my paper because of her use of natural materials; I'll let you know how it goes.

Winter Descending

John left last week to go to Sunny Florida. As soon as he left, Syracuse got really cold. Coincidence?

I've been sad since he's gone. I actually enjoyed living with him more than I thought I would. We coexisted quite nicely and got to spend quality time together before he left. It was really wonderful having him here and I liked feeling like I was part of a couple. Although we've been 'involved' for over two years now, because of the distance I've never felt like we were a couple before. And I love the feeling of being with someone. I liked having someone to come home to. And specifically, having him to come home to.

I do think that maybe things will work out some day for us. I'm definitely not ready to give up at this point, even though now he's far away again...

Taweret

This is my potential object of research for my Egyptian art class. Taweret is the Egyptian goddess of pregnancy and childbirth. Part human, hippo, lion and crocodile. Thus far, I know no more than that. But I'm definitely intrigued by this goddess.

Also, some new developments since I last posted (over a month ago). In the next couple of days I plan to give a full update on personal life and will be putting up the new art that I'm into.

The Final Countdown

School starts in 2 days and it's going to be a rough semester. I'm looking forward to it because I think my classes will be interesting but I'm not excited about the work and stress that accompanies the semester. But, I'm relieved that it's my last semester of classes. Things are going to be great.

Art I Want to Learn More About

1. Synchromism
2. Edward Hopper
3. Whistler
4. Male Surrealists
5. Duchamp
6. Man Ray
7. Second Generation Feminists
8. Leonor Fini

Jasper Johns

I love Jasper Johns. This painting is one of my first avenues into art history when I painted a partial replica of it for Godshall's class as part of our exploration of the 1950s. Johns work is one of those that absolutely has to be seen in person because it really comes to life when you are in front of the paintings. I haven't seen this one but I have seen other works of his and I think the most compelling aspect of his work is the textures that he achieves through his use of collage and encaustic. It is through these techniques that he turns mundane objects like numbers and makes them interesting and captivating. A true pop art genius.

On another note, I start school next week and writing this makes me think I might be ready to go back.

Uh Oh...

So, I just almost did something that I shouldn't have. I did it a little. Anyway, I don't want to give too many details but I have this overwhelming sense of guilt. And also, a sense that I should have been more skeptical about his fidelity. I guess that's all I should say. Sorry this is so cryptic.

Update-- Yeah, I told him what I did, which was read a letter I found for him. Although I only read the first page. Curiosity killed the cat...

Grrrr!

Why do I pick fights when things are going well? What the fuck is wrong with me?

Girly Problems

Been PMS for the past few days. I absolutely hate feeling this way. It makes things miserable for everyone...

I also had a talk with him about our relationship and basically got no where. Things are complicated and everything is dependent upon something else that he has no control over. But, unfortunately, it still sounds like good-bye is forthcoming.

On the Road Again...

So, Thursday I'm leaving to go back to Amherst. On the train for another seven hours. That part stinks but I'm so looking forward to seeing him again. We've only spent a week apart but I do miss him. This kind of thing always makes me worry that I'm becoming too dependent on this relationship. I just always want to be my own woman and independent person and certainly not dependent on a man for my happiness.

But he makes me happy. Which makes me especially worried because I still believe that it can go away at any moment. I know that he loves me and that he wants to be with me, but it can still go away, especially since he's probably going to be moving away some time in the future. Long distance relationships don't work and eventually both of us will want to move on if we can't be together, no matter how much we care about each other. But the good news is that he does want to be with me. He wants me to come and visit him again within the same month and he is coming here after that for some unknown amount of time. I just think things are going so well for us right now and we are becoming really close and really strong and I'm not ready to let go. But I don't know how to fight for him...

Mark Rothko, Red, Green, Violet (1951)

Rothko's work is extremely engaging. I have a soft spot for abstract expressionism. For Rothko it was all about creating an environment through his large scale works. In person, the fields of color appear to hover on the canvas. This work is particularly a favorite because of the interesting combination of colors that he uses here.

Misinterpretations

So, I think I have completely misread the situation. I thought John wanted to move in with me for a few months so that we could spend time together and be a couple. Now I'm beginning to see that in fact he only wants to visit for a couple weeks so that he can say goodbye. I can't tell you how disappointed I am.

Georgia O'Keeffe, Music- Pink and Blue II

I love this O'Keeffe. I don't have much to say about it because I think there's been way too much hype around Georgia O'Keeffe but I wanted to post it nonetheless. I love the colors and movement of this one...

Hard Questions

How bad would it be to ask the boy that I like where our relationship is going?

I think I'm too chicken to bring anything up. I tell him things that dance around the subject but I have never discussed our relationship with him directly. Is there even a reason to broach the subject when things are going well?

I just hate when people ask me if he's my boyfriend, then argue with me when I say he's not. Are we getting serious? I guess, but I don't really know what he's thinking. I suppose that the solution to my problem would be to become a mind reader. This could potentially help other aspects of my life as well, I suspect.

Remedios Varo, Celestial Pabulum

This is what I spent a year of my life researching. My undergraduate thesis was on female Surrealist artists and their explorations of women's roles. I think it still might be the best thing that I've done and the most impressive. Therefore I could write an essay on this painting right now. Instead I want to point out my major observation of the female Surrealists depictions of domesticity. These works are limiting and empowering for women. As she feeds her moon-child, she is trapped in a tower with no visible escape. But, through doing her maternal duty she is connected to the universe and the cosmos in a way that only she can be. It's a very powerful painting and one that shows the complex relationship to women's roles that Varo was exploring.

This is my passion. I want to study women looking at women and commenting on our suggested positions within the patriarchal society.

Days of Summer

The official break in my summer has now begun. I arrived in Massachusetts two days ago and have been doing close to nothing since my arrival. This is not a disappointment by any means as it was exactly how I hoped things would be. I just need a break from any kind of real life. And for the next week I have no job commitments to keep me from fully enjoying my summer. Not to mention that I am here with one of my favorite people in the world and that always makes me feel happy.

I also did go to the SIAMS reunion, the reason for returning to the north so early. It was really a wonderful time. It's amazing to me the bonds that I forged with these girls during a mere six week period. And in seeing them again I felt like it had only been yesterday since I saw them last. We all picked up exactly where we left off after a period of brief catching-up. I love those girls and even though we only spent a few hours together yesterday I feel like all of our friendships have been recharged.

On a sadder note, the north was less than welcoming as I arrived to rainy days. I already miss the Louisiana heat...

Morris Louis, Dalet Kaf

Louis' work is really quite beautiful. It is pretty superficial on the whole but there is something really serene and ethereal about his painting. This one was in The Modern in Fort Worth. It happened to also be my desktop picture at the time that I saw it. Quite remarkable. I really love painting with movement. There's just something about it that greatly impacts me.

Elisabetta Sirani, Portia Wounding her Thigh

I really adore this painting. I think it's quite beautiful and a powerful statement of woman. In my Women Artists class everyone preferred Artimesia Gentileschi to Elisabetta Sirani, but I really felt intrigue and entranced by Sirani's painting. I think this might be the oldest painting that I've included in this blog but I think it warrants definite attention. It may not be the bold statements of women empowerment that Gentileschi creates but I find that her subtly is quite moving. Her composition and technique is also quite lovely I think.

Summer

Feeling guilty about not updating in a while. Yet not so guilty that I've come up with something brilliant or significant to write about. Since it's about the time for me to go to bed if I don't want to look/feel exhausted at work tomorrow, I'm not sure that I really have time to get into anything right now. So here's a brief summary of all the new things in my life that I've neglected to blog about with hopes that I'll get back to them in more detail later.

John and I are moving in together... sort of. He's still extremely vague about his plans and what this all really means, but I've decided to let myself get excited about it anyway. Excited/Nervous.

I feel like I'm wasting my summer. I'm having a good time and have especially enjoyed bonding with Allison but I'm not doing anything that gets me closer to doing work in a museum. This really bums me out. I'm nervous about my future plans after grad school and the opportunities that may or may not be open to me. Why did I have to get rejected from all of those internships this summer? I don't know how someone could be more qualified than me for an internship in education and it's really depressing to think about the fact that I just can't catch a break in that aspect for the second summer that I've put myself out there. How am I supposed to get a real job? I make jokes about coming back to Coast Capital after graduation if this whole art history thing doesn't work out, but really I'm terrified that that might really be my only option.

I also only have two weeks left at home. Louisiana home. I'm feeling extremely bittersweet about the idea of leaving.

Anyway, that was longer than I intended. And here's my re-commitment to this blog. I will at least post art everyday if I have nothing in the life department to report.

Meet me at Broadway

So, I've decided that my first post back after a hiatus in the month of May will be about one of my greatest loves... musicals. The Tony Awards are coming up this week. Here are my predictions for the categories that I care about. They are probably fairly biased because I've only seen two of the musicals (Next to Normal and Hair) from this season but here it goes anyway.

Best Play
God of Carnage: A Comedy that everyone is raving about it. John saw it and said that the audience couldn't stop laughing at everything that was spoken. Not to mention the phenomenal cast.

Best Musical
Next to Normal: While Billy Elliot will probably take this one, I'm predicting Next to Normal as the one to win. I've been waiting for a musical like this to come along and it was really a wonderful performance. The story is moving and the music is really stellar and modern which makes me think that it has a really good chance.

Best Book of a Musical
[Title of Show]: I have not read any of these books but [Title of Show] is an original story about the making of a musical. It seems like the front runner in this category.

Best Original Score Written for the Theatre
Next to Normal: This is a really tough category. People are in love with Elton John and Billy Elliot which has a great chance to win. However, Dolly Parton is always a big favorite and I think that they'd like to see her win a Tony. I'm going with Next to Normal because of the really modern pop-rock score and the fact that there are nearly 40 original songs on the album. There's not a lot of filler dialogue in Next to Normal; it's really the music that carries the show and its emotional effect.

Best Revival of a Play
Joe Turner's Come and Gone: Honestly, I'm not sure but Barack went to see this one so I'm banking on that. Critics also seem to be loving Mary Stuart so it's also got a great shot.

Best Revival of a Musical
Hair: Hands down, this has got to be the winner. Guys and Dolls had terrible reviews and people have not been overly excited about West Side Story or Pal Joey. Hair is brilliant and the most fun musical that I've ever seen. The show is really a trip into the seventies and a full experience rather than a passive viewing event.

Best Special Theatrical Event
You're Welcome America. A Final Night with George W. Bush: Everyone loves Will Farrel and hates G.W. This seems like a shoe-in

Best Actor in a Play
Raul Esparza: This is a really tight category. Esparza is predicted to win his category every year but has yet to take home a Tony. If he gets it this year it will be an amazing achievement with all of the talent in this category.

Best Actress in a Play
Marcia Gay Harden: I'm in love with her and I heard she was wonderful in this play.

Best Actor in a Musical
Gavin Creel: I'm really torn by this category. I think both J. Robert Spencer and Gavin Creel deserve it as they were incredible in their respective parts. I'm going with Gavin Creel because I thought his part was a bit more memorable (although Spencer's was extremely touching) and since it's still so early in his career it would be a great time for him to win it. I also loved him in Thoroughly Modern Millie, for which he did not win the Tony and we should make up for it now.

Best Actress in a Musical
Alice Ripley: She deserves this so much for her performance in Next to Normal. I love Sutton Foster and Josefina Scaglione seems to be a new favorite but it would be a crime not to give the award to Alice Ripley. Her performance held the show together and it was extremely touching.

Featured Actress in a Musical
Angela Lansbury: Theatre Legend.

Featured Actor in a Musical
Will Swenson: The only musical that I've seen and he was good. Lots of personality and the audience cracked up at his wisecracks and nudity.

Featured Actress in a Musical
Jennifer Damiano: This is probably a stretch but I loved her in Next to Normal. Her voice is incredible and I really identified with the character. "Superboy and the Invisible Girl" is one of the best tracks on the CD.

Best Scenic Design for a Musical
Guys and Dolls: I think that the set was about all this play had going for it. Sorry Lauren Graham.

Best Costume Design for a Play
Mary Stuart: Period costumes are always a good bet.

Best Costume Design for a Musical
Shrek: Brian D'Arcy James looks like an ogre. I think the fairytale will take this one. Although I'm pulling for Hair.

Best Lighting Design for a Play
Equus: Dramatic play equals dramatic lighting. And this is one of the only categories in which this play is nominated.

Best Lighting Design for a Musical
Hair: There were projections everywhere. I loved it.

Best Direction of a Play
God of Carnage: Phenomenal play with a stellar cast that knows how to take directions

Best Direction of a Musical
Billy Elliot: Huge cast with lots of kids participating. And everyone loves it; it's gotta win something.

Best Choreography
Billy Elliot: A musical about dancing.

Best Orchestrations
Next to Normal: Honestly, I don't really know what this means but I'll give it to N2N.

Janine Antoni, Lick and Lather

This is an incredibly subversive work. Janine Antoni challenges patriarchal systems with this work Lick and Lather. She creates busts of herself out of soap and chocolate then displays the bust in various states of disintegration after she licks the chocolate and bathes herself with the soap. An interesting twist on an old favorite...

I wonder...

How do you know when it's time to give up?

Day of Reckoning

So, today is going to be the test of my skill. 15 page paper in one day. Let's hope that all goes according to plan. I am slightly concerned but I've got a few tricks to take up length...

Again...

Still procrastinating with lots to do. Feeling really good about my Felix Gonzalez-Torres paper and really not good about my Anjolie Ela Menon paper. It's tough to find sources on Indian Artists... But, here's something nice to inspire me...

Survey

1. What color is your toothbrush? white and purple; electric

2. Name one person who made you smile today? Allison Gallaspy

3. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? Sleeping

4, What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Laundry

5. What is your favorite candy bar? Reese's peanut butter cups

6. Have you ever been to a strip club? No, I don't think that I would enjoy it.

7. What is the last thing you said aloud? See you later.

8. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Chocolate

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? Milk

10. Do you like your wallet? Sure.

11. What was the last thing you ate? Reese's puffs cereal

12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? Yes, gray jeans from the Gap.

13. The last sporting event you watched? Syracuse basketball on TV, the night of 6 overtimes.

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Regular

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? John

16. Ever go camping? Sort of. There was a cabin involved.

17. Do you take vitamins daily? No

18. Do you go to church every Sunday? No

19. Do you have a tan? No

20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? I am torn. I really like pizza right now but usually I would prefer Chinese

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? In a restaurant.

22. What did your last text message say? Congrats! I'm so excited for you!

23. What are you doing tomorrow? Hopefully work. I have a lot to do. And grocery shopping since I haven't been since Easter.

25. Look to your left, what do you see? My table, covered with my junk.

26. What color is your watch? Brown band, with a blue face.

27. What do you think of when you hear Australia? Lizzy Neville

28. What is your birthstone? Amethyst

29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Drive thru if I had a car. I don't eat fast food here cause it's too inconvenient.

30. What is your favorite number? 19: Jonas's number in The Giver.

31. Who's the last person you talked to on the phone? John

32. Any plans today? Work and Dead Like Me.

33. How many states have you lived in? Three: LA, MS, and NY.

34. Biggest annoyance right now? Deadlines.

35. Last song listened to? Currently: "Forever my Friend" by Ray Lamontagne

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? Maybe, but not quickly.

37. Do you have a maid service clean your house? Have you seen my house?

38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? Ballet flats.

39. Are you jealous of anyone? Sure.

40. Is anyone jealous of you? I wouldn't rule it out but I can't imagine why.

41. Do you love anyone? Absolutely

42. Do any of your friends have children? Yes and it still freaks me out.

43. What do you usually do during the day? Whatever I have to.

44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now? I dislike people

45. Do you use the word 'hello' daily? Not really

46. What color is your car? No car (sad face).

47. Do you like cats? I'm allergic.

48. Are you thinking about someone right now? Always.

49. Have you ever been to Six Flags? Of course, and I'm terrified of rides.

50. How did you get your worst scar? My cousin slammed my finger in the door.

Marcel Duchamp, The Air of Paris

I saw an exhibit at the Centre Pompidou when I was in Europe that centered around this piece. I had never heard of it before but I thought it had a beautiful simplicity. It was a gift that Duchamp gave to one of his friends. A pharmaceutical bottle that he emptied out and filled instead with the air of Paris. I really love his readymades and this one somehow feels like the most poetic.

Papers/Presentations

So I've figured out an angle for my Gonzalez-Torres paper, which is good. I only have about a page though (single spaced), so lots more work today before the presentation TOMORROW. Power time.

Update-- It's now 12:40 AM and I still have one page left to go (single spaced). But now I'm getting some major ADD...

Super Stress Time

One week till the end of the semester. That means one week to get lots of work done. I've finished the paper of Saint Trophime at Arles. But I have until Tuesday to do my paper on Anjolie Ela Menon, and I haven't read a single source yet. Really not a good situation. I also have no idea what to write about Felix Gonzalez-Torres that's innovative. Which makes me really sad because his work is so moving and beautiful. Motivation is still really lacking here.

Caillebotte, Floor Scrapers

This is another of my favorite paintings of all time. I saw it in the Musee D'Orsay and it was really great in person. I think this painting is all about the line. I love the elongated arms of the workers and the reality of the whole thing. It's such an interesting angle and the colors are kind of great. I like it.

Whistler, Falling Rocket

I love this painting. Whistler's works are really beautiful in person. I love how ahead of his time he was. As part of the Aesthetics Movement he was interested in art for art's sake and creating works in which he really expresses his love for the medium. This work is really abstract and I love that.

2 weeks

The semester is almost over and it is crunch time. I'm not sure how I'm going to finish everything that I have on my plate.

On a brighter note, I had a surprise visit from John this weekend and lots of fun.

Spoon

"You might be a bit confused
And you might be a little bit bruised
But baby, how we spoon like no one else"

--Ingrid Michelson's "You and I"

Motivation

So I'm beginning to become stressed out about end of the year papers and assignments. Yet, paradoxically, not stressed enough to devote myself to actual work. This is going to be a problem; I can tell. How can I make myself motivated?

You Call Me Sentimental

You are a good conversationalist...

Last night we had the most amazing phone conversation. It was serious but it was also lighthearted and silly. One of the most fun times I've had on the phone in a long time. Makes me want to go back to the old days when we use to talk for hours...

Marcel Duchamp, Nude Descending a Staircase

This is one of my favorite paintings. I think the form speaks for itself.

About Me

The Questions:
1. What is your first name? HOLLY
2. What is your favorite food? GRILLED CHEESE
3. What is your favorite color? BLUE
4. Favorite drink? MILK
5. Dream vacation? ITALY
6. Favorite hobby? READING
7. What you want to be when you grow up? MUSEUM
8. What do you love most in life? A BOY
9. One word to describe you? HOT

Terms

Despondent
–adjective
1. feeling or showing profound hopelessness, dejection, discouragement, or gloom

2. my current attitude toward academia

TV Night

"So I'll call your cellular phone
to tell you TV night was
lonely without you
and so am I...
so am I."

from Dashboard Confessional's "Shirts and Gloves"

Monday is my TV night. John always calls me after Heroes so that we can talk about it. Last night he said that it would be fun if we watched Heroes together (over the phone). He is incredibly adorable.

This is also one of my favorite Dashboard songs and I was tempted to just quote the whole thing. I have the feeling more parts will come.

Update-- Part is already up! High Points...

Felix Gonzalez-Torres, Untitled (Loverboy)

Another fantastic work by my favorite artist. This is truly beautiful in the way that the light illuminates the windows and their curtains. And in the way that the wind plays throughout the space. It evokes the feeling of a lover softly caressing your body.

Love is in the Air

I don't know if it's the fact that spring is coming or if it's just me, but all I can think of is love. I can't stop thinking about him and how much he means to me. I think the boy is really in love with me and that makes me happier than I can express. And all I want to do is be in his arms. It feels so good there.

Update-- In every post about how much I like him I say that I want to be in his arms. I really like being held by him and I don't care how cliche it sounds. It just makes me feel loved.

Barbara Kruger, Untitled

I love this. I think this is a very powerful statement about the restraints placed upon women. It is also a very knowledgeable commentary on the patriarchal history of art.

Friends First

"I just think if we keep our hearts together
Just think if we build on this trust that we have for one another
Baby we can make this last a lifetime"

from Ray Lamontagne's "Forever My Friend"

We were friends first. Best friends. It's amazing to me how much our love has grown over these years and how our relationship has transformed. I think it is really beautiful.

Restraint

I am totally in love and I think I'm through keeping my sentiments to myself. This weekend he told me that he loved me without any prompting and that's kind of huge. Also, it's apparently my cue to be completely mushy and open about my feelings for him. Perhaps it will be an experiment gone bad, but I'm up for it.

Interpretation

This is my sub-par interpretation of Man Ray's photograph...

But don't be confused, I'm still proud of this.

Man Ray

This is brilliant. At first glance it appears abstract and you can't quite make sense of it. Then, you begin to understand that it is a part of a woman's body. It is one of the most beautiful photographs, in my opinion, because of its simplicity and striking quality. However, it is also quite misogynist since the woman is given no agency or identity. She is exposing one of the most vunerable and sensual parts of the body. I still love the aesthetics of it.

Christo and Jean-Claude, Wrapped Pont Neuf

This is spectacular. Christo and Jean-Claude create these installations that are ephemeral and only stay up for a short period of time. In this one, they wrapped the Pont Neuf in France with champagne colored fabric. Somehow, they manage to assemble these installations without damaging the existing architecture or natural surroundings. Their works have an incredible play with light that makes the appearance of the fabric change with different times of the day and they are truly beautiful. I will definitely put up other works by them because it moves me. Until then, check out the transformative powers of Christo and Jean-Claude.

Amherst

Spring Break in Amherst, MA. not the ideal vacation spot but I have spent my last two spring breaks here. And the reason for that is of course the boy. He's a doll. I'm have a pretty great time. Being with him makes my heart smile. Going to Boston for the weekend, so looking forward to that also...

Slacker

Not doing work... Today is a problem.

Favorites

John is my favorite person. He makes me eternally happy. I think he knows me better than anyone and yet he still likes me. I think he is fantastic. We can talk for hours, but we can also sit in silence and be completely comfortable. I can think of no better place to be than in his arms. I have a major crush.

Andy Goldsworthy

This is strikingly beautiful. Andy Goldsworthy works completely with nature and does not use any man-made materials when creating his works. That means this form will only last for a short time before the leaves begin to drift away and float down the river. Ephemerality is beautiful.

Note to Self

Live in the Present!

Duality

“Love is very peculiar because it gives a reason to live, but it’s also a great reason to be afraid, to be extremely afraid, to be terrified of losing that love." --Felix Gonzalez-Torres

Update-- I think Felix and I could have been best friends.

Basket Case

I sent an email last night to say sorry. I thought it was generally nice but I didn't get a response. :( Did he not get it or did I do something wrong?

Update-- I'm pretty sure he got it and chose not to respond. I think he doesn't like it when things get too heavy. Today he said "I hope you are feeling better" and " I miss you." Forgiven.

Stability

I'm feeling terribly uncertain about my relationship lately. I'm just really scared of losing him. He's assured me before that I won't lose him but when I think about our future, I can't fathom a way that we could end up together. He's tentatively making plans for next year and he told me that he can't make life decisions based on the fact that things are going well for us right now. The fact is that I'm not sure that I can either. I know that I want to because I want to be with him more than anything but I'm not sure that I'm willing to give up on my dreams to be with him. So, where does that leave us? I guess I just wish that I could have some stability, some way of knowing that we won't end without notice.

And the fact of the matter is that he has been so great lately. He's been really sweet and thoughtful and even a little romantic and yet for some reason I can't just enjoy it like a normal person. It just makes me more afraid of losing something so great. I wish that I could enjoy what we have together without worrying about where we are going, but it is so hard for me. Next post will be about how much I like him; I swear.

Wolfgang Laib, Milkstone

This to me is phenomenal. Beauty and purity. When this work is complete it appears to be a minimalist slab of white marble. But there is a layer of milk that sits on top of this marble. I can't fully articulate it but it speaks to me on a deeper level.

Issues

I am a basket case.

Crazy

I am crazy in love. I can think of very little else. More than anything I just want to be in his arms. My bed feels empty when he's not here.

Cindy Sherman, Untitled Film Stills

I absolutely love this photograph by Cindy Sherman. She depicts herself in most of her photography. This one is totally subversive. I love it because even though she is presenting her practically nude body, you can't help but look at her face and she's not even facing the viewer. Her gesture and the reflection in the mirror direct our attention to what is important here.

Update-- The more I look at this, the more I love it.

High Points

"So many high points on this last leg.
I can wait to recount them;
It seems like nothing's happened
Until I share them with you."

from Dashboard Confessional's "Shirts and Gloves"

I've always identified with this quote to an extreme. All things that happen in my life I feel like I need to share with those that I love. I couldn't keep a secret about myself if I tried.

Right now I'm sitting on some great news and even though I've told people, I feel this great anticipation about the fact that I still haven't told John. I feel like it hasn't happened because he doesn't know about it.

Struggles

Semiotics
–noun (used with a singular verb)

1.	the study of signs and symbols as elements of communicative behavior; the analysis of systems of communication, as language, gestures, or clothing.

2.	a general theory of signs and symbolism, usually divided into the branches of pragmatics, semantics, and syntactics.

Phenomenology
-noun

1. A philosophy or method of inquiry based on the premise that reality consists of objects and events as they are perceived or understood in human consciousness and not of anything independent of human consciousness.
2. A movement based on this, originated about 1905 by Edmund Husserl.

These concepts I'm still trying to work out. I struggle with them. I try to keep an open mind but I'm still not sure why I should care. I can't see them making any kind of greater difference. Shouldn't we, as art historians, do more than analyze paintings in terms of signs and our own experience with the works?

Keith and the Girl

KATG.com

I listen every day. I am mildly obsessed. This is endless entertainment and a voyeristic view onto the life of a couple who are open, honest, and always hilarious. Tune in and you won't be disappointed.

P.S.-- Not for the faint of heart.

Come What May

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return...

I think this is one of the greatest love stories ever told. The finale is truly spectacular, spectacular. Again, I cry when I watch it. It is also one of the most visually stunning movies that I've seen. Decadence at its finest.

To Do List

1. Indian Art Test
2. Mass MoCA application
3. Eakins Readings
4. Medieval Progress Report
5. Grade Exams

Felix Gonzalez-Torres, Untitled (Perfect Lovers)

This work appears so simple but it moved me to tears this summer when I saw it at the Wadsworth Athenium. The idea of two people moving through life in unison is extremely beautiful. One of these clocks will eventually fall behind the other until it stops. When I viewed the work, the two clocks were no longer in sync and this reminder of death contributed to my emotional response to the piece. Felix Gonzalez-Torres' work is extremely personal and this one in particular is a response to watching his partner die of AIDS and his fear of time passing. I truly love this work and the metaphor that Gonzalez-Torres is able to portray through simple objects from our own day to day.

Leaving

Every time he leaves it seems to get harder...

The boy

So, today I was morbidly thinking about what would happen if something happened to him. The reality is that I probably wouldn't even find out. No one knows that I exist, that I'm such an important part of his life. I wouldn't get a phone call. I know that this is all unlikely and that nothing will happen to him (I don't think I could cope if something did), but this all makes me wish that he told people about us. I wish that he was as excited about us as I am. That he felt the same need to shout it from the rooftops. Or at least felt the same uncontrollable urge to bring me up in conversation constantly. I just can't contain my love for him. It is all consuming and I can't help be reminded of him with every topic of conversation. Why isn't it the same for him?

Testing

Not sure yet how I want to use this but I thought I'd put something out there. Mostly just for me, self exploration...